Love, Religion

lately i've been thinking alot about those three topics up there.

Religion. first of all im not a religious person. but i like the idea of haveing something in that area of my life. i dislike the idea of "God" be cause God has a name and many times in many religions a face. rather i believe in a force, one that is...everything. it has no face, no name and its not some kind of being that can manipulate the world. its more like, that this force is everyone, everything. that praying to this force you are prayig to the humanity and life and death in the world and if you are judged by it it is the people surrounding you. but hmmm i geuss i dont like the word judgeing. i do think humans should need a diety to do good. i mean if you base your actions on that, on sins and things, when you you have a pressiure on you, however small, telling you that this will please God and this wont then youre not living in honest. dont get me wrong i throughly believe in morality but i belive in it in the sense that you are living your life for everyone around you instead of being good to others for a god. and i know im being selfish now. becasue people dont do that, do good just for god. i thouroughly understand that but its just the bassis that i believe in : you dont need a god to do good. hmm sorry its hard to explane. so, like i was saying before i rambled off like that.

ive been thinking about, if i took up a religion what would it be. well it comes down to Buddhism and Wiccanism. hah and im sure youre like yikes inkiling wiccanism? and i tell you "why yes". but first ill start with buddhism. i think this is an absolutely beautiful religion. it embodies pretty much all my beliefes. one thing i dont like about it is that it holds human life higher than any other. if youre reincarnated as a bug then youve been down graded. i dont think thats fare. i think all life is equal. we all live off of eachother and even though some lives are short and some are long doesnt mean that anyone creature is more important. humans were just lucky enough to resive thumbs. haha. and thats all i have to say about it. short huh? thats cause i think pretty highlky of buddhism. now on to wiccanism. oy where to start. ok well first of all i know that to many people think that wiccanism is a satan worshiping cult creep religion. NO. WRONG. ALL OF IT. wiccanism is really beautiful. it has a force like i believe in and focuses on the beauty of life. nature. which i think is a nice way to think. i simple base. i used to want to be wiccan but then it kind of died off. i dont know why. two things i dont like about this religion though. first i dont like its afterlife. continual recarnation. never ending. meh not for me. i also dont like the fact that it has become somewhat of a poser religion. i feel kind of smothered by the fact that a goth culture (highschool students. *sigh* will we ever learn?) has sprung out of it. it seems a sad thing that such a beautiful religion should, in some cases, become identity rather then a beleife. so there.

theres my thoughts on that. mostly summed up as...what?

now on to Love.
all im going to say about love is that ive been wishing for it. i want to have someone to love apart from my friends and family. i was talking to melanie about this the other day and she said something like "theres a place in you for friends and family, which we have filled, but theres also a place for a love of your own." in me that place is emnty. theres a big gapping hole in my heart. and i dont know why. but its been hurting lately. alot.

so theres my first real post. me rambling on about nothing. waste of time huh. haha sorry.